What If You Do Not Survive a Serious Illness?

 

griefI wrote an article on how important it is to think of others and try to help them, when you are recovering from a serious illness.

This is a reply that I received from Ashley:-

“I agree. To think of helping others not only helps yourself in the healing process after recovery, but in turn you can help others that haven’t finished their journey of recovery.

Everyone always asks ‘why me’ when faced with a serious illness or disease but my girlfriend who battled with cancer for years (and had two small children), never asked that question. Instead she used to say “it was me for a reason”.

Somehow she believed that her illness would help others, even if it was people she met and inspired to stay strong during treatment and recovery. Of course you never want to leave your children at such a young age but before she passed she said that she hoped it was all for a reason.

Even though she was sad that she wouldn’t be there for her kids, she wanted them to grow up and want to help others too; either by becoming a doctor or hopefully trying to find a cure. We should all have such an inspiring outlook on life and if we are lucky enough to have recovered from a tragic illness or injury, it is important to look to help others that could really use your experience in a positive way.”

I responded to this heart wrenching story by saying:-

“I was really touched by your story Ashley. Your girlfriend must have been such a strong lady – you must have been so proud of her. In your grief you are still able to see that there must have been a reason.

I am not sure how close you are to her children, but I hope that you can encourage them to constantly look for that ‘reason’ as they grow older. Have you thought of writing a book? I feel that you have a lot to say that could help others. My very warm wishes to you. Barb”

When we do recover from a serious illness, it is often too easy to forget about those that do not recover. The loved ones left behind have to somehow cope with the loss and it is often easier for them if they, too, can think about how to help others who may also be struggling with illness.

I would love to hear some stories of what you have done to help you through your grieving process of losing a loved one through illness.

Hints and Tips
Don’t try to lay blame or even to understand why you are suffering from a serious illness. Just accept that this has happened as it does to so many folk. The sooner you can accept it and spend your valuable time helping others (even if it is just helping your loved ones accept the fate that has chosen you) the better you will feel; and they will feel better too.

49 thoughts on “What If You Do Not Survive a Serious Illness?

  1. Debbie Boulier

    The sooner you accept your serious illness the sooner you will recover or at least begin to feel better. Try to keep a positive attitude although it can be difficult. Also lean on friends and different associations…that’s what they are there for.

    Reply
  2. james

    I think this is a valuable lesson: letting go. I imagine there is so much anger and frustration that it’s hard to get over which could hinder the healing process.

    Reply
  3. Mary McKinney

    My young son at age 17 was diagnosed with a lymphomic cancer. It was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever dealt with. Upon diagnosis I called my older sister who gave me the best advice that I still carry today, “Let Go and Let God.” Joshua overcame his cancer and has just celebrated his 26th birthday.

    Reply
    1. Barbara Gabogrecan Post author

      Your sister is not only brave, but she is right. I am so pleased she was able to help you cope. Caregivers are so often neglected, yet they suffer too.

      Reply
  4. Mina Gould

    Blame has no place in sickness. Everyone is susceptible to something, no exceptions. Accept what you have and deal with it as best as you can. Remember that someone else has it worse, and like Barbara said, looking outward and sharing your time and advice to others is energy well-spent!

    Reply
  5. jhonnymartin

    I want to spend my last moments with my dear fellows 🙂 Life is temporary everyone should go back one day; try to enjoy each moment

    Reply
  6. Isar Bahar

    There’s good and bad worry. Worrying about what you’ve been diagnosed with or when your results aren’t as positive as you would’ve hoped is energy that’s not very well spent. Grieve, take a moment, rest, and take that as a challenge to overcome it! Nothing’s over until it’s over. The fat lady doesn’t get to sing unless you give her the mic 🙂

    Reply
  7. Ana B.

    Acceptance really is key to dealing with major illness, and helping others instead of focusing on your own issues really helps to feel better.

    Reply
  8. Lisa Perkins

    Wow, what a “Heart-Wrenching” story… I cannot imagine the strength one has to not only be the “Sick” one, but to be strong for the people around You… When kids are involved in watching a “Loved-One” going through a Major illness, I can only Hope & Pray that they may have Love, Compassion, understanding, Strength, among other adults to talk about their fears and express their anxiety of the current situation that they may be dealing with….

    Reply
  9. Mike Teberio

    i have seen a lot of these story’s and every one of these has touched my heart in some way because this did happen too real life people and some people need too understand that you definitely know what your talking about and i have enjoyed being able to read everything .

    Reply
  10. arsuk

    Yeah i agree with this thinking because the right recovery is done through the right treatment. On the other hand, ill people must think positively about their recovery. Take the good treatment and feel well and support every one.

    Reply
  11. Will McCaig

    good advice on the hints and tips section. the truth is that many of the illnesses that afflict us are completely out of our control. don’t blame yourself. it’s not worth it. try to make the best out of it and keep your head up. keep up the great articles.

    Reply
  12. Austin

    Another great article. It’s easy to get lost in the why’s and how’s of serious illness, but it is important to look forward and understand that every moment is precious.

    Reply
  13. Austin Y

    It’s not healthy to play the blame game when dealing with a serious illness, it is just important to find happiness in the present. Great points.

    Reply
  14. Kate Mumble

    Such a moving article, you are so right about the importance of remembering those who sadly do not make a recovery from these conditions. it just heightens the need for more awareness and research needed in this area of medicine.

    Reply
  15. dee lee

    I agree. you need to admit that this is happening to you and try to beat it. however i would caution some people that may accept it too much. you don’t want it to define you too much because ultimately you want to win.

    Reply
  16. Nexus_Guy

    What a good article. People tend to worry and start to question themselves when they think this is the end of their lives. It is not healthy and may actually increase their illness.

    Reply
  17. S.B. Stolk

    What a touching exchange you had with your reader. I think it’s easy to get caught up in blame or anger when you’ve got a serious illness, but it’s much better to focus on living your life. We’re all going to ‘go’ sometime, so we should all try to fill the time we have with meaning and enjoyment.

    Reply
  18. Fred Arnold

    Her outlook on having cancer is very interesting. I bet it helped with her ability to cope with the situation and gave her a sense of ease. It’s a hard burden and she did right by herself.

    Reply
  19. Joe Myer

    Always try to see the bright side in any situation. You’ll body will thank you and you will probably live a lot longer!

    Reply
  20. Matt R

    This is so hard and in my experience it does seem that sometimes the afflicted are able to come to terms with their illness much better than their loved ones. It is so hard to stay positive in this type of situation, but when time is limited (as it ultimately is for all us), it is so much more important.

    Reply
  21. Brandon A

    Your advice is sad, but unfortunately true. Any one person can be struck by any illness at any time, and instead of wasting your remaining time with your loved ones, your time would be much better spent creating a positive impact on their lives in any way you can. Spot on, as usual.

    Reply
  22. Simon

    Anger, blaming and asking “why me” are all toxic and will only hinder one’s ability to cope and recover. I agree that by far the best approach is to stay positive – and a great way to do that is to put your focus outwards by helping others.

    Reply
  23. Tim Browne

    You said it, ma’am. Unfortunately, all of our times will come, and accepting your fate when your time is inevitable and making the best of your remaining time is the right choice. Leave a positive legacy behind for those you love and those who look up to you. Don’t let them remember you as someone who went out with their head down feeling sorry for themselves. Make sure they remember you as someone who cherished life and accepted its ups and downs until your time has come. Fantastic piece of advice.

    Reply
  24. Chris W.

    What a sad, but optimistic story. I agree that everything happens for a reason and that we should try to make the best of things and try to help others. There is good in every situation.

    Reply
  25. Sasha

    I guess that anger and wondering why are the first things that pops into someone’s mind so I guess that I can see that part but I can also see how accepting it and trying to make the best is the best way to go.

    Reply
  26. Jane

    Can easily feel dejected when it seems impossible to recover from illnesses. Best thing to do when diagnosed is to try and stay healthy. I know this can be hard to do but with the right support it will seem a lot easier.

    Reply
  27. adesco

    It is always important to have a healthy discussion on what could happen when you are no longer around.

    Reply
  28. karen10101

    My mum suffered with a serious mental issue a while back and during her road to recovery, she often blamed herself. it was not her fault, sometimes things affect us that we have no control over.

    Reply
    1. Barbara Gabogrecan Post author

      One just has to accept what has happened to them – it is no use laying blame anywhere; that will just delay your recovery and make you pretty miserable as well. Barb

      Reply
  29. Raul

    keeping yourself positive is the best way to fight any illness. most importantly don’t feel sorry for yourself

    Reply
  30. Jane

    There are only two guarantees in life which is death and taxes. This can be of a huge concern when a person has to contend with a life threatening illness. The person with the illness has a general idea that death is imminent and can be difficult to comprehend. It is not knowing when death will occur. The best port of call is to find people to confide in to try and shift the focus.

    Reply
  31. Mimi Hanson

    Again, hit close to home. It is easy to get lost in your illness and miss out on precious last moments with family.

    Reply
  32. Demond Bivins

    I thought that was a a great response that you gave ashley and you’re right a lot people shouldn’t wounder why and how they are suffering from a serious illness but instead just accept it as it is and live their lives to the fullest with love and compassions with the people they know and others around them

    Reply
  33. karen

    I have never had to accept such a thing and I imagine it would be hard. I think I would appreciate hte help of my friends and family at such a time.

    Reply
  34. drew moore

    It is always important to have a healthy discussion about whats happens when we pass, ive got it all planned out!

    Reply
  35. Shelley T

    I lost my dad to cancer and we lived with that sentence for almost 2 years. While we knew it was coming and tried to prepare, nothing can prepare you for that emptiness. It’s been 23 years and I miss him every single day. Mom passed this past year, she did live to the age of 73, so it wasn’t as hard (daddy was 61), and I miss her every day too. But i feel like she had a good long life.

    Reply
    1. Barbara Gabogrecan Post author

      My Mum passed one year after I had the stroke and brain tumour. She had lived with me for 28 years, ever since my dad committed suicide. She was 91. I still feel guilty that I had put her in a home the last two months and even a nurse said to me that she just didn’t want to live any longer as she could not be at home. So, as well as missing her, I have this tremendous feel of guilt – not easy to live with I can assure you. I am so happy that you feel better about your Mum’s passing. God bless. Barb

      Reply
    1. Barbara Gabogrecan Post author

      It depends entirely on how severe the stroke was and what section of the brain was damaged. Fortunately I did not have any problems like this. Some stroke sufferes cannot actually swallow and need to be intravenously fed – BUT this usually improves over time.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.